Monday, 27 July 2009

• Currently A Greater Song By Paul Baloche Hosanna see related

  My Story

  okay okay, i know this is like what draft # 3 or 4 of this? maybe I'll actually get around to editing all of them and put them together to write down one I am definitely ready to share with the world.  It just seems that every time I go to write this, I end up focusing on different things.  I apologize to anyone that actually reads this and has read this many times already. But hey, i figure that maybe one person will see this and it will affect & change their life somehow.
  
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  I’ve started, well no, written this testimony like a billion times already, trying to figure out what exactly I want to tell the world about how the amazing God of the universe has impacted me life and the difference he has made.  We were challenged at church to share our testimony with our peers and the world around us in general, and I must say I have many friends and acquaintances that have shared their testimony on facebook.  Their testimonies have touched my life and have put this urge in me to share mine with the world.  While many of theirs are not based around some dramatic/life-threatening event, they all seem to have had hard times in their lives that I cannot imagine what they went through.   A lot of the time I feel that my life is nothing special and nothing significant, but I think I can use my story to touch people’s lives.  Well I guess I should start at the beginning, this is my story.

  I am a nobody.  I’m just another person on this world, just like you. I laugh. I cry. I live. I love. I get angry. I try to get through this life.  And one day, I will die.  It seems simple, life; we are born, we live and do our best to create the best lives for ourselves, and then we die.  Sometimes it feels like there’s nothing more than that, we enter the earth and we leave it, that’s it.  It’s only the time here on earth that matters.  But there’s more to life than just living. We all have a purpose and were placed here on the earth, a God given purpose.  From my life, I have found that you cannot really find this purpose until you actually have a relationship with God that is more that “please God, don’t let me fail this test.”  It took me a long time to figure this out.

  I was born on a Thursday afternoon on April 4^th at 5:43 pm into a wonderful growing Christian family.  I grew up in a church; attending Sunday school, going to VBS, and attending church almost every Sunday.  I memorized Bible verses, read many books of the Bible, knew all the stories, but I never really knew GOD, the Father, the amazing creator of the universe, my father.   I knew all the facts about God, Jesus, and the Bible, but not who he really is.  To me, it was more like stories and a way to keep me from going to hell.

  Now I accepted Christ (or asked Jesus into my heart) when I was young, about 8 years old.  While I acknowledged him has my Savior, the one who died for my sins, I never really thought about what the really meant.  It never really hit me that God as a man (Jesus) lived a perfect life and died for everyone’s sins, not just mine.  That through him all the times I’ve lied, cursed, had ill thoughts, are erased and I’m made clean so I can me with Him for eternity.  God really is amazing one you think about it, but I’m going to try to keep from straying from my testimony.

  So I accepted Christ into my life at the age of 8 and I thought that was it.  Okay, so I was young, but still I never changed my life and consciously thought about living my life for him.  I did the same things, but church seemed more like a routine and chore than actually learning about that awesomeness that is God and Jesus Christ.  That changed when I started attending Crossroads. Every Sunday I was surrounded my people that were so in love with the God of the Universe and I didn’t really get it, coming from a catholic church I wasn’t used to seeing such joy on people’s faces during church. 

  The amazingness that is God really started to hit me the summer before 8^th grade, when I spent an amazing week at Vineyard with the youth group.  It was almost surreal, being isolated in the mountains with people who had a passion for God, serving him and praising him.  It was then that I realized that my life didn’t exactly reflect who God is even though I was helping out a church, leading FCA, and stuff like that.  Now I’m sorta what most people would call a “good girl.”  I don’t  try to get in trouble, I don’t drink, don’t smoke, and I my best to do what is “right”, aka follow the rules.  So while I was never a horrible person, I wasn’t living my life for God.   There is a difference from being “good” and being God-like/living my life as a changed person because I am saved.  What I’m trying to say is that I never gave my entire life to Christ.

  Gymnastics as been part of my life since I was 6. And you’re probably wondering why this is important, so I’m gonna tell you;  when I was 6 gymnastics became my life and was my life for almost a decade.  While I loved Crossroads and God, gymnastics was always the number one priority in my life.  Every practice, every hour spent in the gym was more important to me than pretty much anything else in my life.  I hated missing a practice and would go even if I was sick, I once got mad at my mom from keeping me from going to practice because I had seriously sprained my ankle the week before.  For the longest time gymnastics gave me my identity.  So naturally if it’s taken away from me I’m not going to be a happy person.  And of course it’s taken away from me in a split second.

  October 30, 2006 is a day that changed my life.  One bad landing and I was out with a completely torn PCL (it’s gone), a bruised knee, and a fractured tibia.  They almost gave me a wheelchair because I couldn’t put much weight on either leg.  Those results, mostly the fact that I now only have 3 ligaments in my right knee instead of 4, prohibited me from gymnastics for good.  I cried for months after that, not days, not weeks, months.  There would be nights that I would cry to hours until I fell asleep.  I fell into depression; it got so bad at one point that I stopped really eating because it was something that I could control. 

  Now there is only one person in the world, okay on this earth, that knows all of this and that’s because he was my best friend, well I considered him my best friend, at that time.  When gymnastics was gone, it wasn’t long before he became my everything.  Soon enough my life revolved around our conversations and the times that I would see him.

  This friendship, well relationship, was not the healthiest thing either.  He had just gotten out of depression, which he has credited to me.  We were never even really friends in the first place; from the very beginning I think it was pretty obvious that we wanted to be more than friends.  He told me how amazing I was, that he loved me, you know all the things girls want to hear from boys.  It got to the point that my life was centered around him. 

  Again, the rug is pulled out from under me after a series of events that hurt relationship and soon we fell apart.  Our falling out again pulled me into a funk; more crying, feeling that life didn’t really have a purpose.  It is only now that I see how it kept me from so much and that I let a boy define me.  I went through another period of loss and confusion, unable to figure out how to get out of it. 

  I didn’t figure out what was wrong until one day during worship it hit me.  I finally took the time to really take to heart what the lyrics were saying:

  “So I’ll stand, with arms wide and heart abandoned. In awe of the One who gave it all. So I’ll stand, my soul Lord to you surrendered all I am is yours.”

  I had this huge God-shaped hole in my heart and I kept trying to fill it the worldy things.  Instead of finding my identiy in Him and his plans for me, I tried to make my own person and own plans based on what the world wants/ accepts.  Everything in my life was not His, I kept holding on the everything in my life.  All the hurt, the tears, and scars could not go away because I didn’t want them to.  I thought that if I held on to what was left of that life, then it wouldn’t hurt as much and go away.

  What I really needed to do was give it all up.  I had to let go of all the things holding me back from having a complete relationship with him.  I not only needed to believe in Him, but I need to get to know Him. I mean, how can you have a relationship with the God of the Universe and not know about what he’s done for you? 

  For me the biggest thing in actually building a relationship with God was putting everything in his hands.  I’m a pretty independent person and like to do things on my own.  I often think I can handle more than I really can.  I kept holding things back and keeping them just for me, afraid that I would lose them and unwilling to share it with anyone, including God.  The verse that kept popping up in my head was Proverbs 3: 5-6.

  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

  If I just put my life in his hands I probably would have saved myself from the tears and heartbreak.  I needed to just give my life to him and let him work in my life.  I had to give up everything and become nothing, so I could be everything he wants me to be.  I lacked complete faith in God, which is a problem. 

  As of now, I am still working on building up that relationship with God and listening him to figure out what he wants me to do in this time on earth.  This change hasn’t been the easiest thing in the world, it’s not all of a sudden I “see the light” and BOOM everything falls into place.  I still struggle to give him my whole life and put my life in his hands. 

  But we’ll see where he’ll take me these next few years.  Of to college, a place where many people are searching for something they can depends on in this crazy world.  I want to share with these people that there is a God that loves them and He died so that we may live with him in eternity.  There is nothing more amazing that the grace and love that God has for each one of us.

  I want to share with the world that nothing can take the place of God in their life.  All the sex, money, drugs, possessions, etc, cannot give you the joy and peace that Jesus, my Savior and my God, the Creator of everything can give you willingly simply because he loves us.

  Okay so I know that this is sort of a rambling about how God has worked in my life.  If it doesn’t make sense, I’m sorry; I just let the words come out as I typed as the thought appeared in my heat. But I do know that I am in love with the creator of the universe and I want my life to bring him glory and share his Love with the world.

  
  
  

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