it's my last week of high school and naturally i can't sleep right now. but this has been on my mind for awhile now. at church we've been having people share their testimonies and although they did not go through an amazing transformation, they experienced an unique experience. when i started thinking about my story, it's nothing out of the ordinary...if anything mine is the testimony that many people have but never share.
this is for all those who think that there's nothing special about them. that they don't need to be saved from a life changing habit or addiction. this is for the people who feel like they're just like everyone else. for those who feel that way, you are not just another face in the crowd. you are the child of a Father that loves you unconditionally. it doesn't matter who you are, where you're from, or what you done. all the mistakes you've made, all the negative thoughts and emotions you have won't keep Him from loving you.
I am no body. I go to school, I go to church, and I go to work. I don't drink, I don't party, I don't do drugs. I'm an honor roll student, I laugh. I cry. I get frustrated. I get angry. I swear. I lie. I sin. I am far from perfect. But I also know that there is a God who loves me. He is always there and it's taken me years to finally figure out what it means to give everything to him.
I have grown up in a Christian home. I went to church, I went to Sunday School, and my parents taught us Christian values. There has never been a time when I didn't believe in God or Jesus, but I never truly saw him as
my father. I saw him is The Father, but never to the extent that I had a personal relationship with him.
Up until 7th or 8th grade, I never really understood what it meant to have a personal relationship with God. I had already accepted Christ into my life, I went to Bible study, and I prayed before every meal. I did everything I thought a "good Christian" was supposed to do. At my youth group we were beginning to talk about our relationship with Christ and what it meant to have that. I didn't get it. I thought it was enough to be a Christian and accept Jesus as my Savior.
I never really thought about what accepting Jesus as my Savior meant. At the time it meant that I would not go to Hell, but go to Heaven. I never thought about how he saved my life, dying for me. All the mistakes I've made, the lies I've told, the people I've hurt are washed away because of him. It finally started clicking the summer between 7th and 8th grade.
At summer camp with my youth group I finally started to realize what it meant to live for Christ, not just say that I'm a Christian. Surrounded by people who believed the same thing I did and had this amazing love for God made it easy for me to begin to live for God. It was not just going through the motions anymore. I felt God move in me and I wanted to reach out to other people. The following school year I helped start FCA, Fellowship of Christian Athletes, at my middle school. That year I felt really close to God and felt him do things in my life. Friends that I never thought would started attending my Church and studied the Bible. I saw God touch the lives of these friends, reaching out for the lives.
However after that year I began to fall away. High school started and I struggled to find an identity to go by. My school was already full of people who grew up together, they had money and friends. I couldn't find a place to fit in. My freshman year, I still had a relationship with God, but it was already starting to fade. Instead of defining myself through God, I tried to define myself by what the world wants and sees.
TBC.....
A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
my heart and my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out
--From the Inside Out, Hillsong United
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